so yeah

scarification freaks me right the fuck out.

i can’t even handle this chick

baby it’s cold outside

baking cakes

watching elf and various holiday movies

i’m loving all of this

perfect

clean room

fresh socks

and i will never take that toilet for granted again

 

life’s swell!

always

i still pray for the best to you.

uhh

criticizing a book about art criticism

not how i pictured my weekends.

new leaf

no more hard feelings. no more avoidance. i’m ready to start living again, under my own terms. i’m proud of myself. i’m proud of the things i’ve done for myself and everyone that i love.

i’m going to be open to everything, to new experiences, to new people to whatever comes my way.

i talked to an old but really great friend today and him and i are in similar positions emotionally and i really hope things work out with him and his girl. it was just refreshing to be reminded that i have such great people in my life.

i’m going to get back into volunteering, i’ve missed it. i’m knitting scarves and hats for orphanages in romania. i can’t wait to get started.

also, halloween is approaching and i’ve decided to forgo parties to spend it with my mom. she’s still not doing all that great but is trying to hide it. i just want to have special times with her. as many as possible. that sounds really corny but almost losing her broke me.

How many days have I lost?

How can I get back to the place where I started?

I’m outside a house, trying to find my way in.

But it is locked and the blinds are down, and I’ve lost the key, and I can’t remember what the rooms look like or where I put anything.

And if I dare go inside, I wonder…will I ever be able to find my way out?

it’s just

as soon as things are really looking up, you get blind sided by something that could just break you. completely shatter you and there’s nothing you can do to help. i’m terrified to see her. i want to give her everything she needs, but I’m too scared.

i need to be around people that really love me. that can be there for me. now more than ever. i’m too scared.

these days

i had a lover

i don’t think i risk another these days

and if i seem to be afraid to live the life that i have made in song

it’s just that i’ve been losing so long

.

please don’t confront me with my failures, i had not forgotten them.

ugh

too much sushi and hors d’oeuvres

i will never buy student food

never never never never

peace out problems, what’s up best weekend ever?

i rekindled about 9 friendships in the past week. it’s all good. i love life.