done

this semester is done. i don’t know how to feel right now, i’ve been a ball of stress for a month straight and i’m still really sleep deprived so it might be making me a bit numb but it’s actually over. i hope a lot of good came from all my efforts, i hope that i can continue working this hard on things and growing and figuring out what works best for me. i hope for a lot of things.

i’m moving back home on wednesday and i couldn’t be happier. i’ll be in toronto by the weekend but that’s not meant to go against the pro-barrie thoughts i was having a moment ago. i miss my dog. i miss him so much it’s ridiculous. he’s such a prissy little baby and whines a lot but my lord, do i ever miss him. i can’t wait till i can tell it’s actually summer, he’ll be in my bed whenever my parents leave for work. right now i don’t feel like summer, i don’t actually feel relieved or positive, i feel exhausted and like i just suffered through a trauma, it’s the oddest thing.

the whole time i was stressing about school my sister kept telling me to focus on the good, on the things that were about to come right after and now i finally can. i started talking about it last night with neil and i’m so excited for my sister’s wedding. i can’t tell you how excited i am for this. we picked out the excursions we want to go on, i don’t know if mine are in the majority but i think i could pressure my parents to come with me if people want to do something silly like dolphin hangouts or whatever. i’m excited to swim with the sting rays and nurse sharks, neil and i were in newmarket once and there was a huge tank and it said there was a nurse shark in it and i was nervous but then the tank was empty so i went to check out the beta fish (rest in peace, abner) and bam, there it was, a great ol’ nurse shark bottom feeding. it was so large and scared me to death, it was exciting and i can’t wait to snorkel with them!

my mom came up on the weekend to try and get me out of my stress state, it kind of worked  i think. i had a really awesome weekend, either way. we went to the farmer’s market (hello, spring!) and then winners to get vacation gear, out for lunch and then downtown for coffee and thrifting. we ended up going in this store that is the type i usually avoid but was feeling open and ended up getting a really great dress from. it’s lovely, i can’t say enough good about it. and it was only $30. it’ll be my fancy dress on the trip and it’s handmade and i love that…and flows so i can lift it and it sways so nicely. i can’t wait to show ash, i think she’ll really dig it. we went to the big church on the hill, it was open that day and mom had never actually been in there which is awful because it is so beautiful. i took some pictures, something i haven’t done in ages and got them developed that day. while we were on our way to blacks we passed people’s and mom found the perfect earrings for ash, they’re right up her alley, they’re classic and beautiful and so is she. she custom made her necklace for the wedding from steve’s parents’ 0ld wedding rings and i just can’t wait to see her in her dress with everything done, i’ll probably cry but when don’t i? back on topic, mom and i then went home to study and then i took her to the movies and bought us a pizza after and we had a slumber party. it was nice till i woke up in a panic attack and didn’t sleep for the rest of the night.

this weekend neil and i are going to get sushi and he got a movie i’m excited to see with him and we should also cook something special to celebrate me not being such a stressful dink as well. i got our anniversary present and already told him what it was in case it wasn’t something he wanted and because i’m miserable at keeping surprises in. we’re going to see the tragically hip in bobcaygeon and i’ll drive and he can drink if he wants or not if he doesn’t and it’ll be a great day. i’m excited for another summer with him, it’ll be weird without his truck though. i’m not sure if he’ll find it as weird, but i kind of associate it with summer now. i’ll miss that lil’ guy. we went to the jays game the other weekend and i really want to go back, i actually really like baseball. i like that it has a history and isn’t trying to be super fast or flashy. neil gets the tickets and i get him a hot dog, it’s really worked out well, this summer is gonna be good!

i’m starving at present and i’m probably going to continue being a hermit for the rest of my time here, so i should probably be writing again soon. or not, i don’t want to pressure myself.